Psh.

I guess it's time I do a real post, isn't it?

SCHOOL STARTED. Yep that's right. Typical teenage bitching and moaning about the institution that our parents have shoved us in "for our own good". So that means that it's my job to be wonderfully compliant with what everyone expects from me and go look at fancy pants schools and see their fancy programs. Not gonna lie, some of them are genuinely interesting. Even so- I feel like the excitement building for college (by the way, being a Junior is like this one run I've done a few times. You get to stop right past the bridge but it doesn't get any closer...until it looms over you about to collapse at the last second and suffocate you) is kind of a scam. It will probably be boring and lame like high school, just in a more diluted solution. I'm dramatic. Just one of the many things that I really don't like about myself. I know my friends know that I'm a pain in the ass BUT I just can't help myself. How I manage to get people to talk to me I will never know. They say I'm funny but it's probably more like watching a mildly entertaining psychopath. That's why they think it's funny. If i could describe myself I would but I can't-at least not very well. I still manage to feel horribly conceited and like I talk about myself all the time. That's what I'm doing right now isn't it? But I always feel like an asshole for saying good things about myself. Therefore I hate myself with a passion. :)

So BC. Still kind of like him....or do like him. But it also seems like we're more alike than is probably a good thing because that means most of our conversations are small because we're both horribly awkward socially. Plus he REALLY likes this other person, which of course is understandable because she's pretty much epic as far as I can tell (he told me so-plus i knew it before he told me[I'd like to say that I'm intuitive but it'd be a lie. Either way, I can tell]). Even if I don't like him I want to be his best friend (this position is also taken) and I'm pretty sure my other friends know it. But I can't help myself. He happens to be like an entertaining mystery that I sort of figure out but that figuring out is probably a lie. But he asked me for advice :D (and probably asked like five other people. Again with the not actually counting).
AND when I was driving him home at 1am we were talking and I maybe kind of let it slip that I sort of did this (as in this website) BUT I didn't tell him anything otherwise and he didn't ask. I want him to like me :X but these things don't happen except in TV and movies which everyone tries to be like even though they're total bullshit. So there you go. Excited and awkward and lame and confused.

I've just decided to become one of those creepy stalker girls that follows people around and sends them a million texts and devotes their lives to making other people uncomfortable because maybe someday instead of being the lame little weirdo somebody will fall for my tricks and like me. Too bad I can't flirt for shit.


Did I mention that sometimes people really start to bother me, and when they do it is AWFULLY HARD for me to convince myself not to hate them? It really is a fast procession into doom. Not that anyone would really care.

I feel depressed.

I think I'm going to die alone.

Maybe I'll move to Africa and study ants.

Peace like a River ;)
Raven